She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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