I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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