using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
