I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
