I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
