i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize