my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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