remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
