I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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