dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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