i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
