Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
