I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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