Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
