Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
