i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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