Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
