We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
