I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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