We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
