OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
