So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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