So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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