Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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