Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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