Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
