I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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