I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so let's talk penis.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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