i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
