did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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