I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We're facebook friends in real life
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize