Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
