The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
