omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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