He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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