Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
