He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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