My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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