I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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