I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You are a genius and a whore.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
