If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
