My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
