It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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