Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
