great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
