I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
