he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize