i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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