it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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