I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
