one might say we're banned from that church
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
