Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
