Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
