she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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