And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
