I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize