Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
