Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
