Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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