Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Found the puke drawer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
