i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
