I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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